


History

by DrakonNightengale



Series: Tom's Trauma [1]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: CSA, Category Tag is for CSA, Child Abuse, Cult, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Everything Mentioned Is Described in Detail, Forced Exorcism, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jehovah's Witness, Kidnapping, Murder, Platonic Relationships otherwise, Rape, Tom is Dumping His Trauma, Trauma-fic, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:42:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25078579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrakonNightengale/pseuds/DrakonNightengale
Summary: “Hey Tom… How come you’re an alcoholic?”He had never wished more than now, to not exist.How do you explain years of trauma and abuse to a man that hates you every other week?More so, how do you do it in a way that doesn’t ruin the mood.
Relationships: Tom & Tord (Eddsworld)
Series: Tom's Trauma [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021132
Kudos: 36





	History

**Author's Note:**

> This is a heavy content fic, and it's very heavily implying some heavy content.
> 
> I spent hours writing this and hours looking at the screen wondering if I should ever write this.
> 
> These are actually my own headcanon's and come from projecting some personal abuse onto Tom and then some things vaguely implied in canon.

Tord and him were on a good day that day, looking up at the sky and sharing some vodka. It’s not to say they were any better friends that day, they’d go back to fighting later, but sharing smokes and alcohol was good enough.

Tom was enjoying himself, at sixteen it was freeing to have gone out to live on his own- albeit none of his friends knew.

Of course Tord had been visiting for the summer, and decided to ask him to hang out because Edd and Matt were busy that day. They fought earlier. With words, and then fists. Tom would say he won but the dull ache in his ribs and left cheek would say otherwise.

His opponent suffered only with one black eye, having been taken off guard. Honestly the height and build difference between the both of them was annoying most days, yet on days like these it was more so.

It had been Tord’s idea to get drinks and smoke on the hill just outside of London. 

It was both a good and bad thing to be there. Good because it was secluded, bad because it also was secluded.

Tord wasn’t bad enough to throw him off the cliff though. He hoped.

It was fairly large, with a road slowly winding down from the peak and leading into town. You could see a fair amount of the houses down there, including his own house and the house Edd was going to keep from his parents when they graduated. 

Tom closed his eyes to enjoy the silence as he opened another bottle.

“Hey Tom… How come you’re an alcoholic?”

He had never wished more than now, to not exist. 

How do you explain years of trauma and abuse to a man that hates you every other week?

More so…

How do you do it in a way that doesn’t ruin the mood?

Tom had only barely sobered up from those words. He didn’t know how drunk his friend was, and honestly he wasn’t quite thinking straight.

It was so easy to do stupid shit when intoxicated, and he was no exception.

“It’s a long, boring story… you wouldn’t care.”

“Tom we have all night, plus we’re drinking. What will it matter if we talk for hours, you’ll probably just pass out drooling over the ground.”

Tom looked over and stared at Tord, who had been lying on his midsection and picking at grass.

Last time they had seen each other was two years prior, when Tom had fucked off from his parent’s social gathering to go fuck around with Edd. Back then, Tord had light brown hair, bordering on blond, and wore reds or brighter colours.

Now he was wearing a black trench coat and black ripped skinny jeans. His hair was also dyed dark brown, and Tom knew it was a mix of wanting to look edgy and not wanting to commit to completely changing everything.

The fact he still had a mullet with two cowlicks that vaguely looked like devil horns never ceased to amaze him though.

Right now he was staring at Tom with grey-blue eyes, waiting for an answer.

“Fine… Don’t complain though.”

Tord was quick with a reply. “I won’t, now come on, I’m curious.”

Tom chugged half the bottle before starting.

As he spoke, it was like he was back in his childhood.

_He was maybe seven when everything went to shit. He wasn’t sure exactly when it happened but he remembered what exactly happened._

_Tom had been playing outside with his dad watching him. He was drawing while his dad sat beside him on the ground, leaves gently scraping in the wind as his glasses shone._

“Leaves of the trees?” Tord asked, raising an eyebrow. He had never met Tom’s parents before.

“No. Dad’s leaves.” Tom felt annoyed. Everyone always tried to ask him weird questions. “My dad was a pineapple, my mom is a bowling ball.”

“You… That’s not how biology works, you literally sat through it-” Tord shut up when he was handed a picture of Tom as a baby.

“Are you done now?”

“I only have more questions.”

“If I say that they’ll never be answered will you leave me alone?”

“Ja?” Tord sounded like he was asking a question as he responded affirmatively. He couldn’t stop staring at the photo.

“Okay so I’m going to start ag-”

“Did you really always have no eyes?”

“Yes. And I can still see. Now are we _done_ with the questions?” 

“Okay, okay! I get it. Save questions until the end!” Tord mumbled something under his breath, whether it was norwegian or Tom was too drunk to make out the words, he didn’t care.

Tom continued, giving Tord a glare.

_They had been in the backyard, and Tom had been playing, when suddenly out of nowhere, a bear came out and shot his dad with a shotgun. Tom was sprayed with his father’s remains and the bear went walking away._

_From next door, through his wailing, he could hear his neighbours._

_Matt got scolded for giving away his father’s shotgun to the bear, and was left off for being cute. It hurt so deeply considering they were supposed to be friends and they went to school together-_

Tom stared at the raised hand in annoyance, his blood boiling. “Yes, Tord?” He stretched out the Norwegian’s name in a threatening manner.

Tord opened his mouth, and then closed it. Seeming to rethink his question. “Are you okay?”

“Obviously not. I’m still not done.”

“Your father got murdered in front of you and you ended up wearing him as a child, and you’re not done?”

“Nope. Not even close.”

Tord soundlessly slid over another bottle of smirnoff and opened one himself.

Tom took a swig and continued.

_Tom’s mom had been distant afterwards. She never let Matt over again, and if she saw the boy, she tried to roll him over like a pin, before Tom stopped her._

_She worked in a bowling alley, a dangerous job that gave her wear and tear, and sometimes she needed a long time off to heal from some of the harder bowlers._

_That’s where she met Tom’s step-dad. Or as Tom called him, Fucking Prick._

_It was also when he converted into being a Jehovah’s Witness._

_Tom’s step-dad “adopted” Tom, who brought a bowling ball he was inexplicably attached to with him. That was the story as Tom walked up to the two story house, only a year after losing his dad._

_Inside was Prick, and his three daughters. All older than Tom himself, from a previous marriage._

_Never once did the man ever tell anyone he married a bowling ball, and Tom was furious over it._

_Walking inside the door, Tom knew two things. His new dad was terrifyingly big, with an ugly face like a pug that grew an unkempt beard, and he was too strict._

_The man waited all of two minutes before taking Tom’s bear, and crossing his arms before handing him two glass eyes. “You’ll be wearing these.”_

_And Tom was too young, too sweet to have that bitter bite he would, he took them and nodded softly, tearing up before going into his bedroom and trying to insert them._

_They hurt, they stopped him from seeing, he could feel blood well up in the sockets every time he tried. The eyes were too big for his tiny sockets, and eventually he just decided to throw them out._

_Bad choice, as two days later his father took everything from his room and forbade him from talking to his friends._

_He didn’t listen._

_However he did get another pair of glass eyes he wore around the house and whenever he went out with his father. These ones with holes so he may see._

_After three weeks, he was brought into the religion. Meeting a priest who spoke words he didn’t know anything about. Talking about how demons would take over everyone. How god could only be found through them._

_It was terrifying and he felt himself wanting to run home to his mom. However the priest then gave children a lollipop and called them innocent and good so long as they remembered to listen._

_Tom had gone to the washroom, and when he decided to wash his face, he took out his eyes._

_That’s when he was caught._

_The other priests lamented over how hard it must be for Tom, losing his eyes so young and needing to pretend he still had them. Now came a new challenge._

_Tom had to pretend to be blind._

_Yet, like anything lately, Tom couldn’t do it._

_Just like he couldn’t make his mother happy enough after his dad died, he couldn’t impress his prick of a father, he couldn’t forgive Matt, he couldn’t stop crying constantly, Tom couldn’t keep up the act he was blind._

_Yet when the priest found out, he was just sweet and nice. Talking to him like he needed to be calmed down and promising to not tell anyone his secret._

_He even promised to take him out for ice cream._

_So Tom accepted, and that weekend, they went out for “ice cream”._

_That’s not what happened though._

_As he met with the priest, he was giddy and happy, jumping up and down, before taking the man’s hand and walking. They walked two hours outside of town before Tom thought something was wrong._

_He voiced his concern but was met with a soft voice telling him it would be okay._

_It would be okay. It would be okay._

_“Come now Tom, you want to be good, right? God likes good boys.”_

_Those words made him nod and walk along, even as his feet hurt._

_Tom wasn’t expecting to be taken into a church. The boards creaking and the wood splintering. He wasn’t ready for it._

_“Tom go stand at the cross.”_

_His little feet echoed as he obeyed, slowing down when he got closer and noticed rope._

_The poor boy screamed when he was shoved onto the floor and tied to the wooden pillars keeping the church up._

_The priest was not kind after all, as he spoke words the poor panicked boy couldn’t hear._

_Water was splashed onto his face, again, and again, and again, and again and he couldn’t breathe. He felt portions of himself burn and tear, hands touched him everywhere. Purifying is what it was called. Even as his clothes were torn to shreds._

_Tears and water fell from his face as he shook on the cold ground._

_Time wasn’t real, as he felt himself there for hours before the priest frowned and took out a match._

_“Perhaps you’re just an abomination and not a demon after all.”_

_Tom had never heard of demons nor hell, he wasn’t sure it was ever taught, but the moment he heard those words spoken with such disgust, he wanted to just curl up and hide._

_Maybe he was going to light a candle and warm him up._

_Instead the floor behind him got lit on fire, spreading fast._

_The building creaked again as Tom begged to be let go, and he could keep this a secret, but it was too hot._

_The priest took out a knife, and with the look on his face, Tom was horrified. Because he spoke with long and big words, but the word kill was prominent._

_He knew what that word meant. It’s what the bear did to his dad._

_So he screamed, and screamed, and as he screamed, it was like God himself came down to help. The cross dislodged from the building and fell, missing Tom but crushing the priest._

_The little boy was covered with his innards, and sobbed. A rope broke from the fire and he let himself go, running outside and past the flames, feeling pain in multiple places._

_When outside he noticed he had been put on fire and rolled around in the dirt._

_Rain came and turned it to mud as Tom sat there, bawling his eyes out and wishing someone would come._

_The fire department came moments later, and then an ambulance and police car. They spoke to the poor boy but he heard nothing. Just cried and shook._

_They gave him cocoa and called his step-father there. Tom was terrified when he saw the anger on his face._

_No concern even as he heard the horrifying ordeal that Tom went through._

_He took Tom home, and upon arriving, beat him bloody with a belt. Not anywhere it could be seen, but the screams and pain didn’t change._

_Tom went hungry for the next week except at school._

“Tom… That’s… That’s horrible, are you-”

“Not really no. I’m still not done.”

“I… Thomas I don’t think you should continue, you’re sobbing and holding yourself tightly.”

Oh, so he was. He gently let himself go, and grabbed a bottle. “Still haven’t told you why I drink.” 

“You mean through all that, that’s not enough?”

“I mean it doesn’t start until we started fighting.”

“I didn’t-”

“No, you didn’t.”

_Tom remembered hearing them fight. His mom and step-dad downstairs. The screaming, throwing of things, and the bashing. Tom didn’t have to translate anymore for his dad at fifteen._

_He couldn’t take it anymore. Tossing the fake eyeballs in the garbage, he snuck out through his window and down the tree. Bag filled with his clothes, he was finally leaving. He was fucking done._

_So he went down alleyways, and went down to a bar. It was on the verge of being shut down with how shitty and rundown it was. Rumours said it served minors._

_Tom wanted to break all the rules, and after seeing how happy people his age were when they talked about drinking he wanted to try._

_So he walked in._

_Two minutes later he realized he messed up by not trying to steal his Dad’s money._

_Sitting at a stool he looked down at the cup of water he got free, glaring at it like it would change form._

_A man slid onto a stool beside him, and offered him a glass of vodka. Tom didn’t hesitate before doing so._

_He didn’t realize it was drugged until three later._

_Tom’s body worked differently from a human’s, and where one wouldn’t be able to move, Tom just couldn’t feel._

_He couldn’t feel the slurring of his words, or the way the man touched him. He couldn’t feel how he was being undressed._

_He couldn’t feel the blood going down his hands as he stabbed the man over and over again. He couldn’t remember it._

_Another bar patron helped clean him off, and told the police it was someone else who mugged the man._

_They offered to help get him home and when he screamed no, they offered to set him up somewhere for the night._

_The night became two, then three. No one from the police department looked for him, and when he turned 16, he got his first job, moved into his own place, and pretended nothing changed. Every paycheque that didn’t go to his place, went to booze, and he knew he was losing weight but it was fine._

_He got into fights with Tord every day, Edd and Matt were always worried._

_But what would they know. Tom was fine._

Tom is fine as he feels his eyes close. Drinking himself to sleep was always nice.

He woke up the next morning in new clothes, some painkillers and water on his nightstand, and food in his fridge.

Tord refused to go drinking with him ever again, and he never knew why.

All he remembered was the question Tord asked from boredom,

“How come you’re an alcoholic?”

Because it made life hurt less he supposed. But in reality he knew it was because he needed something else to do than hurt himself.

One could always ask Tord why he drank or smoked with him. 

Their fights got less physical after that, and more verbal. Tom hated Tord for it.

He was just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're feeling gross, sick, or disgusted, or something in this triggered you, please go calm down and self-care!
> 
> Edit: There's a sequel!!


End file.
